On the very first day of this year, I talked about being a Creative Visualizer i.e. I unknowingly keep imagining things and how events will shape up. It comes naturally to me. I have been indulging in self talk for a long time and it has been a constant presence in my life.

Though, earlier I used to shy away from admitting this phenomenon as I believed I was indulging in some abnormal behavior and it is creating problems in my daily life.

However, of late I have discovered that it is a positive aspect of my life and has actually helped me to grow and accept even the unfavorable circumstances in a positive manner. There have been umpteen times in my life, when even the very survival seemed impossible. I felt as if everything and everyone were out there to destroy me. In those distressed moments, I used to cry a lot, but as there was no one I could open up to, I would simply curl and allow myself to dream about good things coming to me soon. With every nerve and bone, I would imagine that there is soon going to be light, after the darkest phase is over. I would roll over and pretend that I have entered a better phase and then begin again.

Though, it did not melt the bad things, it did give me strength to carry on and I always kept it hidden in my heart that I am using a dreamy escape to keep my sanity, as I thought that others would definitely consider me crazy, if they ever come to know that I am fantasizing great things for myself, in fact, promising myself a heaven while still sitting knee deep in gunk. But, this imaginative power did me good and I kept indulging in it.

Of late, though, I have finally realized that it is actually a very positive trait. At times, others may not understand, how come my mood changes at lightspeed and how can a girl, who cried her heart out last night, can behave supra cheerful the very next morning. However, it does me wonders, and now after almost 3 and a half decades of my existence, I have begun to understand that God Almighty has given us this power to imagine, to save ourselves from going into pieces. And, it is actually He, who steps in and moulds my thinking and makes it positive and bright, while all I can encounter is darkness in reality. And then reality is nothing but another imagination that had the power to manifest at a given time and if we keep thinking positively, soon our brighter imagined future would become the reality, we can enjoy with certainty.

Slowly, I have come to the realization that though imagined better future is not going to materialize magically, but our perceived notions about a sunny day ahead, can make us more receptive to positivity. We smile more, approach problems with a clearer head, are able to communicate in a better way and can enlist supporters and helpers more easily, whom our sulking, shelled, irritated selves would have driven away.

Positivity is a magnet though it works in the opposite manner and brings the similar closer, drives away the negativity and gives one the power to tackle with problems more easily and effectively. Of late, I have been thinking about Positive Self Talk. And, see the coincidence that I was actually convinced by one of my walk-home companion that I should purchase a small Positive Thoughts booklet being distributed by some volunteers, while returning home. I was a bit reluctant earlier and even though I did buy, because I couldn’t say No to her, I didn’t read it immediately. It was only today that I read it, when I actually reflected at my past and realized that present is no different. I have been through many tense situations earlier as well, and though some scars took years to go away, the life went on.

Transition times are always difficult. Old thoughts/possessions/way of life ends and new ideas/connections/realizations dawn. There is no stopping the change. We can only adapt ourselves to take it positively and solidify our relationships and make them more meaningful.

So, today, I know I am beautiful, lovable, worthy. I am perfect with all my imperfections. I am a learner and a survivor and the storm is soon going to pass and bring me even closer to myself and the people I love and value in my life. I love myself and others. All of us deserve hope, trust and innumerable chances to make our lives, the mirror image of happy dreamy existence, we secretly fantasize.

Life is good, Lord is merciful and love, peace and joy all mine. I have hitherto asked for very specific things and though He did comply, it probably didn’t fit in with larger scheme of things. So, now I want Him to hold my hands and lead me and my loved ones to love, joy and harmony on his own. I accept Him as my Guide and Mentor. Just be a gentle teacher God, you are my favorite and I am yours too in all my naked glory 🙂