All my life, I have been expecting. Expecting a good life, expecting happiness, cooperation, love, respect, appreciation, approval. All my actions have hitherto been done with an eye on the result. If I am moving a file in the office, I expect it to be approved as such by my officers. If I am cooking food at home, I expect it to be graciously devoured by my family, appreciating my skills. If I am purchasing a cloth, I immediately begin to imagine how good it will make me look. If I am sending a message or wishing someone, I expect him/her to respond immediately and favorably. If I am caring for a loved one, I expect him/her to get well miraculously. And, if it doesn’t happen, I, God and everyone else is at fault and reprimanded by me vehemently.
In a way, I want to control the entire universe, even before I set the ball rolling, expecting it to score a ten out of ten. And, if it doesn’t, I lose heart and blame myself and others for failing to meet my expectations. And, in the process, I have been too hard on myself and my loved ones, belittling myself and them for every shortcoming, every failure, for everything that ever went wrong, while ignoring all the well meaning efforts, put there in the beginning. I have been behaving like a dictator, running myself and others with a whip. I can not stand even a single negative response from others, I expect them to toe my line, as whatever I am envisioning is the best approach or method. And, as a result, I feel I am responsible for whatever they get in return. And, if it scores below my expectations, I end up being dejected, blaming everyone including myself and God for the unfair deal.
But now I am realizing the futility of my controlling nature. The truth is, you can just do a work, act as per your capabilities and can neither control nor be held responsible for the outcome. All of us are here to simply act as per our strengths and weaknesses. We are not here to produce results, but to do the work. Flowers bloom, irrespective of the fact whether or not they would admired for their beauty or smell. Birds chirp, because they want to, not for some fella to record or praise them. Similarly, we should care, love, work and live as best as we can, but must not judge ourselves and others on the basis of final outcome.
A balanced approach is essential. Idealism should be there, but it must not throttle the underperformers. Do plan and strategize in advance. Do the essential groundwork before plunging yourself into a project. Do care for the loved ones. Provide the best emotional, moral, social, financial support you can muster. But, then just stop and stand aside as a viewer. The work is being done as per your strengths and draw solace from the fact that you have tried your best. Don’t blame yourself or others, if it doesn’t end satisfactorily or as dreamed/visualized in your mind. Rejoice your part in a huge cycle of production. But, never take it upon yourself to run through every step on your own and then leash out on yourself for getting tired before you reach the final destination.
Leave the results in God’s hands. Trust him and your own instincts. Everything is going well.