I have never bothered about time, date or specific events. In fact, I always considered myself a drifter, who believes in living lazily, taking things in stride, letting them unfold on their own. Though, I dream a lot, plan even more but when it comes to execution, I would just let the sand particles drop in the clock, enjoying the rhythm, rather than sticking to the well thought over plan.
Somehow, I always believed that there is plenty of time left to fulfil my dreams. There will always be a tomorrow and it’s always better to plan for that coming strata, rather than dirtying my hands with the actual work. So, one can safely say I am a dreamer. Not a day dreamer though. I would anyday prefer the term Creative Visualizer. But then being a writer, I know that words and terms are as empty indicators of emotions as hours, days and years are of that biggest entity Time. Yes, they are nothing but a few worthless fancy coinages tossed around by short-term-memory men, who always need to put a name and place to anything they feel. Be it the far off star they spotted or the cute grass eater who jumped off the fence.
In a way, man has always been scared of things and emotions, he can’t classify. He is afraid of the dark, as he can’t pinpoint its source. He is happy with the light, as it emits from Sun, Stars, bulbs or tubes. But, he has always had trouble dealing with the dark, calling it evil, devilish, sinister, as it simply engulfs him. He is suddenly enveloped by a blanket of darkness and as he neither knows its origin nor has any way to block it from coming onto him, he is utterly afraid of the same.
Well, this kind of behavioral response is actually just a reflex action. Just imagine how all of us shield our eyes from harsh lights by instinctively covering them with our hands. The situation is all out in the open.There is an object of assault and we have our trusted safety measure in place. Hence, everything is under control and manageable. It is just an emergency not a disaster.
But, in contrast the dark is simply an absence of light. There is nothing concrete causing it and we are baffled as to how to counteract the bewildering situation unless we are powerful enough to beckon light. So, light is power and darkness, simply loss of it. A loss, everyone wants to avoid, to confront or to conquer, depending upon the mental situation he is in.
And, that’s why we can easily express sadness, anger, happiness and love, in concrete words, but are baffled by their invisible triggers. We lose control when an emotion overpowers, we are confused by its origin and don’t know where to aim the counterattack and hence, end up behaving in the most default way, by simply covering ourselves up, like we shield our delicate eyes from harsh light. We form a shell over our heart, the delicate seat of emotions, and pretend that everything is alright now, as the emotions have been blocked.
But what we don’t tend to realize is that actually emotions are as flimsy and fantastical as is the darkness. They emerge from nowhere and simply engulf us. They cannot be shooed away or covered up, but can only be confronted with the strength of our inner determination and willpower. And these two mighty tools need energy and time to build up. They can’t be conjured out of empty air, as they are themselves airy and windy in nature i.e. always present yet invisible.
If you are wondering that I have drifted from the topic I began with. Well, Yes, dear I have. I always do. I have always been a drifter and am proud of being so. And perhaps that’s why I don’t update my blog regularly or post systematically. I love the haphazardness here. It syncs with my energy. And, I usually don’t have the zeal or stamina to post a year end review or write an enthusiastic list of coming year’s hefty resolutions. I know that I would never ever be able to stick to the dotted line and hence always shirk away.
But, today on the first day of 2016, I am beginning to notice a change in myself. Externally I am still the same, but internally something has shifted in a massive way. I don’t know whether my base has been uprooted and now I am just an unfortunate driftwood, floating at the mercy of a mad river. And, whether I have become hollow enough to be shattered into dust at the mere touch of a gentle breeze. Or if I am the vulnerable caterpillar who has just broken her cocoon and is now gawking wide eyed at the world around, unsure of the delicate wings, unaware of the fancy flights she may undertake and is just not able to decide if being a butterfly is better or whether I was better off lying in my safe haven, away from the prying eyes.
Well, it is indeed too early to predict if the flights would lead me to beautiful destinations or will it be yet another difficult road leading to darkness. But, the stone has been rolled, the revolution has begun and only time will tell whether this would be successful or just an aborted attempt to go back into the lap of lazy sun soaking days.
I have decided to undertake a few challenges in the coming days and do a total revamp of not only my blog but my entire persona, beginning in bits and pieces initially and then charge wholeheartedly towards my intended goals. Right now, I can divulge only this much that coming days would see a plethora of add ons in this place. Whether they would metamorphose into brilliant success story or not, is something only time can tell. Till then, keep watching this space and following my blog. Happy Reading guys 🙂